I have been at CGA for a little over a month now and i’m not going to lie, it’s been difficult. There’s has been times over this past month where I have felt more anxious than I ever have before. And there’s been moments when I just don’t want to do it.
During our class time we did deep into really hard and true topics. We talk about emotions, healing, identity, church, and so much more. We don’t just study the bible, but we apply it to our faith and our ministry and what it means for our lives.
I leave class everyday feeling this tension caused by conviction. I leave with a list of things that I need to process with the Lord that I didn’t even know was an issue. I learn new things about myself everyday, and it’s my job to take all the things I hear and ask the Lord to show me the truth in them. Sometimes hearing the truth hurts.
Leadership Track classes also have a tendency to challenge me. We dive deep into what leadership looks like and how Christ was the best example of that. I feel extremely convicted because I see all the ways I need to grow in order to lead as a servant like Jesus. I’m learning to fail and to not let that failure effect my identity but let it teach me how to do it better next time. And I’m beginning to understand my strengths and weaknesses and how to balance those by relying on the Father to center me. Being challenged is really difficult.
Even my part-time job at Panera has been difficult. I sometimes find myself getting annoyed that I am working in the food industry even though I have a college degree. I find myself wondering why the heck I am submitting myself to this low pay, low skill job when I could find something better. And I constantly have to remind myself that God placed me in this position so that I could do ministry in the Gainesville community, not for my comfortability. What a humbling experience.
This season has been difficult because I’m being convicted, I’m being challenged, and I’m being stretched.
Hearing the truth hurts. Being challenged is difficult. And submitting to God’s plan is humbling. But the Lord has purpose in the difficulty.
Not only has this season been difficult, it’s also been very very good!
It’s been good in the same way that the race was good. It’s good because the Lord is using this season to transform me to look more like Him. And it’s good because of the intimacy I find with the Lord in the difficult times.
As I continue to go through CGA, please pray for me. Please pray that through the difficulty I will continue to rely on the Father and run toward Him with my arms open wide.
Thank you all for your support!
Carly
